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10 Things to Know Before You Remarry | FamilyLife®
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Getting Serious. Planning a Catholic Wedding. Obstacles to a Healthy Marriage Lifelong marriage is still the ideal. What gets in the way of thi Signs of a Successful Relationship Want a good relationship? Look for these signs. Is online dating a waste of time if I want to get married? Step back and consid Reasons not to Marry Marriage is a big decision, be sure you're doing it for the right Why Marry Catholic?
A Catholic marriage is more than a contract, it is a sacrament. Ecumenical and Interfaith Marriages Marrying someone of another faith? A few things to consider. Married Life Newlyweds. Enriching Your Marriage. Overcoming Adversity. The Later Years. Encouragement and Enrichment Good marriages can always be made better! Marital Sexuality The two purposes of marital sexuality: unitive and procreative. If the unbelieving man wants to join her, he must decide on his own to make the journey up.
The woman cannot pull the man up with her own strength or force him to climb. Should the man not want to climb the mountain, the woman will remain at the top by herself. Likewise, if the woman wants to be with the man, she will feel tempted to rappel down to his level. Otherwise, they could try to meet halfway, but then they would hang uncomfortably off the side of the mountain. Using romance to coax a non-Christian to climb up to your spiritual level is unhealthy. Though evangelistic affection may sound noble, the idea is flawed in several ways. In addition, if someone professes faith in Christ solely so that he or she can date you, the person probably is not a Christian.
A person becomes a Christian when he or she genuinely asks forgiveness for sin and accepts Christ as Lord of his or her life. Even if you lead someone to accept Christ, he or she may need years to develop the maturity necessary for sacrificial love in marriage.
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Furthermore, if you date an unbeliever or even an immature Christian , you will usually assume the role of spiritual parent. Therefore, your dating relationship becomes an unhealthy parent-child situation. For Christians and non- Christians, reliance on each other prevents you from learning to rely on Christ. Spiritually disinterested singles can seem fun to date. Instead, seek to date and marry a mature Christian single who embraces his or her spiritual marriage to Jesus.
Then you will have a partner who can participate in divine intimacy with you. Can You Resolve Conflict Together? Some couples pleasantly coast through dating, get married, and then receive a shock when their first round of conflict hits. They are unaware that two imperfect people experience friction no matter how much they love each other. Sin indwells your body and tries to influence you in ways contrary to the desires that Christ puts within you. You might feel tempted to be insensitive, greedy, self-indulgent, manipulative, or hostile.
When you succumb to these temptations in a relationship, a simple disagreement can escalate into an all-out war. Recognize that these selfish urges originate from the sin within you, not from you. Therefore, part of resolving conflict is remembering that as Christians, you and your date are not evil. By separating sin from the person, you can more easily resolve disagreements. For example, one night at a restaurant, Todd sarcastically criticized his girlfriend, Jan, for the way she was dressed.
Whatever has gotten under your skin is ruining our evening together. We can talk about my clothes, but there is no need to criticize me.
In this situation, Todd did not come up with the idea to mock the way Jan dressed. Indwelling sin initiated the urge to be rude, and he selfishly chose to respond to the temptation. Fortunately, Jan saw the problem for what it was—sin instigating criticism within Todd.
She wisely nipped the problem in the bud, preventing the situation from escalating. Knowing that sin seeks to cause strife does not mean that you can avoid conflict. A second important aspect of resolving conflict is allowing Jesus Christ to live His love through you. Allowing Him to meet your need for security and significance diminishes your motivation to attack or manipulate someone else. You still continue to voice your opinions and wishes, but Christ within you works to reach a solution that most benefits your relationship. This means you learn to give and take. Should you need to give, Christ will prompt you to be humble.
Likewise, if it is your turn to receive, Jesus will lead you to accept in gratitude. Only through your faith can Christ help you resolve your issues. As a couple, you both have to yield to His desires. So it is important that you deal with conflict several times before considering engagement. Determine whether both of you have shown a desire to compromise in past arguments.
If not, does one of you try to bully the other with angry outbursts? If nothing improves, you may need to end your relationship.see
10 Things to Know Before You Remarry
Civilized arguments can benefit a relationship by exposing neglect, unrealistic expectations, or different points of view. Sometimes, neither person is wrong. Each one is simply approaching the same topic from unique perspectives.
Therefore, do not try to avoid conflict but seek to resolve it in a loving, mature manner. If you cannot freely voice your opinions, you will live in miserable bondage to another person. Both parties should have the freedom to express their ideas and desires.
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A relationship devoid of conflict may signal that one of you is either too passive or too afraid to be genuine. These attitudes are not conducive to an intimate marriage, and you should not continue dating if you cannot be authentic with each other. Healthy relationships foster an environment in which you have the freedom to disagree. Thus, before you get engaged, make sure you both feel free to be yourselves and know how to lovingly resolve conflict. Relational baggage can develop when someone pursues fulfillment through a person, possession, or substance rather than the love of Christ.
Baggage can surface in a variety of forms, such as addictions, eating disorders, abortion, debt, or divorce. Unfortunately, almost everyone carries some type of baggage, so do not assume that your boyfriend or girlfriend is immune. Before you give someone your heart, determine if he or she is wrestling with any baggage issues. Also, understand that the consequences of certain baggage may never disappear completely.
An addiction can keep someone in poor health. A divorced single may regularly have child custody problems. If you are not prepared to deal realistically with them, the repercussions could easily dominate your relationship. Please do not downplay relational baggage—it has the power to destroy your relationship. Sometimes, these complex, negative issues require years to resolve. Do not expect that marriage will make them disappear. Therefore, if your date carries emotional baggage, please vigilantly deal with it before you get engaged.
Marrying someone who is free of baggage is worth the extra months or years of waiting. After I dated Ashley for nine months, many of my close friends and relatives began to urge me to pop the question. They were sincere because Ashley and I had spent a lot of time around our friends and family. Their opinion meant something because they had been a part of our relationship.